Part 15: All I Want For Christmas
- Kristina Crystal
- Dec 14, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 3, 2024
December 14, 2023
It's full on holiday season mode, but the usual festivities – sparkly dresses and nights out with friends – felt like a distant dream. I muddle through the typical holiday preparations: Tree up, house covered in lights, presents purchased. My amazing neighbors, bless their hearts, have become experts at looking the other way when I'd dash out the door, bald head on full display, momentarily forgetting the new reality of needing to cover up when I go out to the front porch to grab another delivery.
One chilly afternoon, a Harley-riding, duelly-driving, classic-car-building, pit-bull-sporting neighbor stopped me in my tracks. (Our unique neighborhood – a single road circling a pond – fosters our friendships! We all become dog-walking buddies.) Where was I? Ah yes, track stoppage.
Christmas Magic
“Thinking of going to the outdoor Christmas Market tonight. Need help with present for girlfriend. Go with?", he quizzically asked me. This gruff exterior hiding a soft spot? It warmed my heart. "Yes, indeedy," I replied before I even knew what was coming out of my mouth.
Getting ready for an unexpected night out on a cold winter eventing, I put on my long, blond,
‘Jessica Rabbit channeling’ wig for its debut, adding a winter hat over it to keep the vibe more Hallmark movie and less Cinemax. I felt like a new woman. As we strolled through the twinkling lights, the festive cheer swirling around us, I felt a spark of normalcy, a reminder that life could still be fun, even with a bald head. We found a perfect gift for his girlfriend and celebrated with some hot cocoa. Maybe a colder climate wasn't such a bad idea after all.
Plus, the day was a good reminder of that childhood lesson: never judge a book by its leather jacket. This chance encounter provided an unexpected present: a friendship that I now cherish. Merry Christmas to me.
Inventory Management
Christmas spirit rekindled, I cautiously accepted a few holiday party invitations. Primping sequence initiated one evening ahead of the neighborhood girls’ nights, a terrifying realization hit me: "Where are my eyebrows?!" My once bold, Brooke Shields-esque arches were now wispy shadows of their former glory. Oh lord, and my eyelashes, where had they gone to so quickly?
Masking my growing panic, I finish getting ready and make it to the party. Unsurprisingly, I was both the last to arrive and the first to leave. I desperately needed the support of my girlfriends, but my mind was racing. All I could think about was going home and counting my remaining eyelashes (which, let me tell you, is a frustratingly futile task).
Eyelash inventory incomplete, I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror.
In a moment of impulsive defiance, I grabbed the scissors and cut the rest of my hair. Done. Finished. Game over.
The next morning, I stared at my reflection, a stranger staring back with a completely bald head. This is bad.
This post keeps going....
The week that followed was a blur of emotional whiplash. Frustrated by the lack of progress, I ditched my vitamins altogether. I even bought a new hairbrush to “brush my scalp” – handle-less, which might sound perfectly normal, but trust me, it’s really bizarre. And the phantom habit of wringing out nonexistent hair in the shower persisted, a constant reminder of what I'd lost. Life, to put it mildly, was just… weird
Mustering the last dregs of my holiday spirit, I donned an LBD, secured my wig, and penciled in some half-decent eyebrows. As I sashayed towards the party, a gust of wind threatened to snatch my wig clean off - another obstacle course courtesy of Mother Nature. I survived the night, but the second I was safely back in my car, I whipped the godforsaken wig off. It's amazing how cold your neck can get without hair – a fact that made me deeply admire men who go bald and can’t just pop on a wig like a woman can.
I notice that I'm worried that someone will be able to see me in my car, driving home fully bald. Such a ridiculous thought, I know. A wave of guilt washed over me. I thought about my brother and ex-husband who lost their hair due to chemo. They had to deal with the physical and emotional toll of cancer, the side effects of treatment, and the mental strain of hair loss – all at once. Did I support them enough? The doubt gnawed at me. Shame, embarrassment, and a cocktail of other negative emotions swirled in my head during that short 15-minute drive home.
And That's A Wrap
At home, I impulsively self-tanned my bald head, threw on a headscarf, and took a photo. Taking a deep breath, I hit POST, revealing my impending total hair loss to the world. Vulnerability is a powerful force. The outpouring of support that followed was much needed – I’ll get through this. I may be lonely, but not alone…
Keep reading Part 16, as we turn the page on a new year with fresh expectations.
Pro tip: Use that little field way down below to submit your email address to get an email when my next post is published.
Comments