Part 29: Oink

Ya girl is feeling all sorts of ways today…

Today, I'm not writing from a place of inspiration. I’m writing because I'm hurting.

Mentally.

Today was my checkup at the dermatologist. We were reviewing how the JAK Inhibitor I'm on is working. Long story short, it’s not. Not only is it ineffective, but it seems to be sabotaging other bodily functions that were fine until now. So, they took me off the meds immediately. They hope this will help heal the other issues my body is experiencing. Apparently, my body is now a delicate ecosystem on the verge of total collapse.

*A mucky mess

Body Blow.

That's pretty much it, folks. The body blows have finally taken their toll. Game over on the hair front. I've exhausted my medical options, and it's probably not ever going to come back. And that's why today sucks, my friends.

Throughout this nearly two-year journey, I’ve always held onto hope. I thought there was no way this could be a forever thing while looking at my freakishly hairless self in the mirror every day. Even when it was one step forward and two steps back, hope still existed. In my mind, I always told myself, "I can do anything for a year! Just be patient!" However, that year has come and gone. That once silly flicker of hope has been snuffed out completely. Pfftt.

It's the Hills That Will Get You...

I’m sure you, too, have mental wellness battles. You might be facing the loss of a relative, a job, a pet, a relationship, or even your Duolingo streak. When you're down in your "trough of despair," it feels incredibly tough to climb out from those deep, murky depths. Yet, the people around you often remind you, "You’re so strong, you’ll be fine, just give it time.” Usually, your mind eventually kicks in and says, "Yes, this too shall pass," and you begin your climb out of that hole.

But today? Well, fck that s%!t. Today is not the day for platitudes, my friends. Today, I just want to wallow. I want to sit in the mud and feel the slimy despair seep into my bones. I want people to hear me when I say this really* sucks without offering any inspirational quotes, like a proverbial pat on the head.

At times like these, you kind of wish someone else were also in their misery. That way, they can come over, and we can sit together in our muddy troughs of sadness. Partners in muck, if you will.

Not that I want bad things for my friends, but if you just so happen to be going through a rough patch at the same time as me, come on over—the muck is warm.

Finding Hope Amidst Despair

So that’s it for today. Nothing interesting, nothing positive, nothing thoughtful. Just me feeling moody. Acknowledging that today, the color of my world is indeed that of mud. Maybe, just maybe, that's okay. Sometimes, we don’t have to be climbing upward. Sometimes, we just need to sit in the damn mud for a while.

Finding strength in shared experiences can be healing. It's essential to accept our emotions, no matter how messy they may seem. Connecting with others who understand can provide the support we need.

Thanks, friends, for being here with me. Even in the mud. Especially in the mud.

Much love,

Kristina 🤎

kristina@unexpectedlybald.com

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