Part 14: Hot Mess Express
- Kristina Crystal
- Dec 2, 2023
- 3 min read
Updated: Jul 3, 2024
December 2, 2023
Florida, are you trying to personally offend me?
It is December and why in the name of all that is good on this planet is it still so hot and humid in Florida? Imagine, dear reader, wearing a mop on your head while relaxing in a jacuzzi located inside of a sauna. That's basically the experience of wearing a wig in this unrelenting Florida heat.
As if the tropical torture wasn't enough, I'm knee-deep in a chaotic home renovation, battling near-baldness, and somehow managing to weigh a whole 96 pounds. Throw in the busiest work month of the year, caring for my dog, my elderly mother, and Gerda, a 95-year-old neighbor without any family nearby, and you've got a recipe for pure exhaustion. A “Hot Mess Express”, if you will.
Fireball
Speaking of heat, my steamy Latin love affair went up in flames just as quick as a shot of Fireball goes down the hatch. I'm back to being dateless again and off the dating apps once more. The thought of wearing this wig out in public for one more minute is enough to make me want to hibernate until next spring.
So, what does a single girl, fresh out of heartbreak and hair, do for Saturday night entertainment? Facetime her sister, of course! (It was either that, or get sucked into a ‘Love is Blind' marathon, and pathetically ruminating about how it’s probably the only way I'll ever get a date now.) But I hadn’t realized that my last video call with her was way back in the summer.
Needless to say, she wasn't exactly prepared for the sight of my self-inflicted Beetlejuice haircut. Tears welled up in her eyes, so I tried to make light out of my situation, acting like the baby sister that I am, catching her up on months of the silliest versions of my follicle follies. As we closed out the call, we were both somber. I looked like a shell of my former self, and seeing that reflected in her eyes scared me.
Six days later, a box overflowing with an assortment of hats arrived on my doorstep – a
billion, at least, according to the packing slip. My amazing, action-oriented, problem-solving big sister sending a tangible reminder of her love and support from afar, reminding me from afar that I wasn't alone in this crazy journey.
Alopecia Universalis
Just when I thought my emotional rollercoaster couldn’t get more lurchy, I hit another bump at my next dermatologist appointment. Turns out, my alopecia has officially "upgraded" again to Alopecia Universalis – hello, total hair loss. New name, new meds, same old suckiness.
That long, lonely drive home after the appointment took its toll once again. Back at my desk, I choked back tears and called my boss. "Please give me some grace,” I implore her. I am hanging on by a thread…
I know, I know...
Things are sounding grim here, darlings, but stick with me, we're gonna keep fighting the fight. Join me, starring as The Grinch, in Part 15: All I want for Christmas....
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