Part 18: The Night Shift

February 14, 2024

The final frontier has fallen, friends.

*My version of the "final frontier" ^

The final frontier has fallen. Yep, every last eyebrow hair and eyelash has gone down in a blaze of glory.  I’m completely hairless.  In a million years, I didn’t anticipate this day would actually arrive, clinging to my own denial until those very last days.  It’s now literally unnerving to see myself staring back at me in the mirror.  Indescribable. A nightmare, even.  Is this the rest of my life? Or just another few months.  Not knowing this answer puts a stranglehold on my ability to feel normal.

Sleepless in Sarasota

Adding to my nightmares, sleep, once a loyal companion, joined my hair on its migration and headed south. My usual 9 glorious hours became a distant memory and suddenly 4AM slippered shuffles out to the kitchen to start the coffee pot were now my unwelcome norm. I'm an early riser by nature, but this was getting ridiculous - these extra hours added on to already long, dark, frightening days was maddening.

Fueled by desperation and with a tight grip on my high-octane coffee, I dove back into the internet jungle, begging for answers. The internet, my surprisingly trusty companion in this crazy hair loss odyssey, came through.  My pre-dawn research marathons paid off with one click - hope in a jar!   A tiny package of magic sleep supplements arrived, and guess what? I can finally sleep again!  Sleep, glorious sleep!  Is my vitamin bill rivaling a car payment these days? Absolutely.  But my blissful nights in dreamland say it's worth every penny. Is there hair on my head, no, but I'll take sleep for now! And maybe now that I have my Sleeping Beauty vibe back, Prince Charming will come knocking, right?

Speaking of Charming

Despite my follicular finale, my little cross-country, digital romance with Mr. Pickleball was blossoming. Those little "You've Got Mail" pings from across the country felt like modern-day "Sleepless in Seattle" moments – pure, nostalgic, digital butterflies.

With my newfound romance and the magic of blissful sleep, a little spark reignited – my hope for new hair growth and getting my life back on track.  Fueled with optimism, REM sleep, and my diet and supplement adjustments leading to better body chemistry, I got bold. During one of my now standard evening video chats with Mr. Pickleball, I finally swallowed my pride, took a leap and came clean about my traumatized tresses. 

The V word!

We talked it all out - chatting about how it all began, what I’d learned, and to my surprise, how he had absolutely no idea, even with hours logged in video calls between us. He was genuinely curious and asked a lot of questions, even joked about how "sleepovers" might work with the wig situation. All in all, I was pretty happy what that conversation! It wasn't half as scary as I thought it would be!  I took the risk - yay me!! Thanks, Brene Brown!

You know what happened next?  Radio silence.  Your girl got ghosted.  Now here I am flying solo on Valentine's Day, making myself my own damn chocolate covered strawberries. Not gonna lie, that stung.

I spent days reliving that conversation, wondering how I could have navigated it better: made it more understandable, less scary. But here's the thing, I couldn't pinpoint any specific topic or body language shift that indicated how uncomfortable he was feeling and he certainly never vocalized anything. I was honest and (gulp) vulnerable, and that's something to celebrate, even if he didn’t reciprocate.  Next.

Keep The Faith, Kid

So even with a heart that feels a little bruised this February, I'm not giving up.  While the magic solution for my hair hasn't emerged yet, I can feel it – change is coming.  It's been eight long months since this whole hair loss journey began, surely a breakthrough can't be far behind, right?  It’s been a rollercoaster few months, filled with unexpected victories (hello, sleep!), heartbreaking moments (goodbye, free pickleball lessons), and a whole lot of self-discovery, but I've always liked a good rollercoaster ride.

And with that, my beautiful readers, here's to resilience, taking risks, keeping the faith, and to the unwavering belief that even in the face of disappointment and heartbreak, something beautiful might still emerge.  Stay tuned, because this bald blogger has a feeling the next chapter is about to unfold…

Read On

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