Part 12: Mirroring exercises...

November 6, 2023

Mother Nature is moving fast-forward.

My hair continues its autumnal descent like the leaves around me.  More scalp peeks through each day, and a strange illness has kept me from eating much for the past month.   Something has changed it my system and I need to figure it out.  Nutritional deficiencies can't be good for hair growth, even if I'm inadvertently practicing "intermittent fasting."

Despite the challenges, dating life still holds some amusement. Unexpected video calls have turned into a game of “run and find the wig before you answer”. In the evenings, I sprint from car to restaurant, clutching my head for dear life, as the unrelenting Gulf Coast wind tries to unwig me. But, I conquered a new fear – confessing my hair loss to my new Latin friend. Bracing myself for rejection, I was pleasantly surprised by his understanding. Down, but definitely not out, this girl still has a little game left.

Scary Things...

*Taming Lions^

Then came the bbbiiggg Halloween party that my amazing friend Patty threw. Now, if there's ever a time to embrace a wig, it's at a costume party, right?  Getting ready for the big night, I'm primping and prepping and stopped myself in my tracks.  Ummm….

What happened to my hair… DOWN THERE??? Wait what?  Now that's falling out too? That can't be good, I mused, but rallied and got into costume.

The party was a night of carefree fun, a temporary escape from the ever-present reality under the wig. It’s hard to explain that freedom I felt for a night.  It felt glorious.

The following Monday, another appointment with my dermatologist. She notices my weight loss and changes my medication yet again. By this point, I'm more scalp than hair, and even brushing it hurts. As she gently examines my head, a wave of tears washes over me, tears I didn't even know I was holding back. "I don't want to be bald," I whisper, the fear raw and exposed in my voice.

Her unexpected hug and the look in her eyes told me everything she didn’t want to say and I didn't want to hear. She didn't believe we could save my hair either. The long, lonely car ride home was filled with a suffocating silence, the weight of the revised diagnosis – Alopecia Totalis – settling heavily on my chest.

For my next trick, I'll bury my head in the sand...

As seems to be my habit, I processed the news for a few days and then left the laptop home one afternoon for an unplanned trip to the wig store. "Full wig, STAT," I declare to my favorite wig salesperson. "Actually, make it two, gimme one of these really long sexy ones too” I add, channeling my inner Jessica Rabbit and trying to glam it up for my weekend rendezvous with the hot Latin surgeon. Gotta make the most of this situation, right?

She rings up my wigs and walking excitedly out of the store, I glance at the receipt.  She had given me the "oncology patient discount".  WTF is happening to my life.

Read On...

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