Part 9: Playing with Dolls

September 6, 2023

The beginnings of a blog...

Back home, my new mannequin, resplendent with its glorious locks, sat proudly on my dresser. Its serene gaze felt like a stark contrast to the storm brewing within me. But unlike her stoic calm, I was a whirlwind of emotions and racing thoughts. Reality was hitting hard.

Days crawled by, and the mannequin became a silent observer to my struggle. We stared at each other. Her unwavering confidence in the power of the hair whispered temptations, but I couldn't bring myself to put it on. Doing so felt like a surrender to whatever villain was hijacking my follicles. “Not yet, friend,” I said quietly back to her.  I couldn't do it.  I couldn't put it on. It felt like defeat.

Like Butter

Then Ellen, my creative friend from the entertainment biz offered a distraction: tickets to the new Barbie movie.  "Hoo boy," I sighed, quickly searching for an excuse.  Growing up, I was the creek-jumping, bike-fixing, stuffed animals kind of kid - not a doll to be found in the house. The thought of watching dolls on the big screen for two hours sent terror wailing through my soul. But supporting a friend's work felt important, so in a shocking turn of events, I found myself agreeing. We made plans to see it the next day.

As I applied makeup for my foray out into the world, reveling in the newfound smoothness of my skin, a horrifying realization struck.   Pulling out the magnifying mirror, I gasped in horror, realizing why my face was so smooth.  All of the peach fuzz - GONE.  Even my nose hair – vanished! Panic bubbled up, but the movie wouldn't wait for nervous breakdown, so I finished my makeup, threw on clothes (finding an outfit was surprisingly difficult due to unexplained weight loss – a side effect of my post-Nashville health kick, I noted), donned my hat and a brave smile, and drove to the theater.

So weird

With popcorn in hand, the lights dimmed, and the movie's fantastical world unfolded, its message of empowerment weaving its way gloriously into my soul. With newfound courage, I took off my hat.  Such liberation - girl power, indeed!

An hour into the movie and OH MY GOD SHUT THE FRONT DOOR -  it hit me:

I was Weird Barbie.

What the fluff? I was identifying... with a ... Barbie??

Looking like a freak but extolling the great wisdom of a seasoned elder, she and I connected that day.  Exiting the theater, eyes wide open, blinking in the bright Florida sunshine, I was wildly inspired. Weird Barbie was my new spirit animal. I made the decision that day to write this blog.

Farmers Market Future

Back at the dermatologist the next week, they confirmed this type of hair loss usually continues for about 6 months.  If that's the case, I quickly calculated I would be bald by Thanksgiving.  Oh lord - not for the holiday party season! Armed with another 51 scalp injections, a stronger topical steroid and a new medication called spironolactone, I left with a prayer to the hair gods to look down on me favorably.

That night, fear wound into my psyche, a strange list emerged from my fingertips: ‘Top 10 Activities for a Soon-to-be-hairless Hermit’. Hat-friendly options only. Farmers market? Check. Golf? Check. Beach? Check. But what about evenings? No alcohol meant limited options – except for the new Kombucha bar. To others, it might seem idyllic, but to me, it felt like a prison sentence.  My social life, like my hair, was on an inevitable path towards doom. 

I looked over at my dog.

“It’s just gonna be me and you, buddy”,

I said sullenly. 

He ran and got a squeaky toy,

pleased with this outcome.

But sitting there writing that list, I remembered the movie. The promise I made to myself that day.  I scrapped "How to be a Hairless Hermit in 7 Days" list and started scribbling some more productive thoughts, crafting this blog. I had no idea how or what to write, but my Weird Barbie revelation reflected the absurdity of it all. So I wrote and wrote….

Keep reading, Barbies, and watch my next steps unfurl in front of you…

Next Post

---

(Ummmm....did you end up on this page and find yourself unexpectedly in the middle of my story? Click here to start it from the top.)